The Delicate Politics of Mother and Baby Groups

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I personally go to quite a few mother and baby groups, I find it helps to break up the monotony of the day but I can’t help but feel that there are a certain set of unwritten rules that you must abide by or otherwise run the risk of being ousted forever.

The ‘your child hit my child scenario’

If you find yourself in this awkward situation you have two choices.
When the mother of said child approaches you and says “aww is he/she ok?” You could react in the way that we all secretly want to and yell at them “your child has just whacked them in the face with a stuffed giraffe, how the hell do you think they are?” or you could use the politically correct response of “oh he/she’s fine, they all do it at some point”, with your perfected fake smile plastered on your face.

The fact that your little baby has just been mauled by another human being is irrelevant.
You must follow the rules!
(Note there will occasionally be a mother that doesn’t follow the rules and after that sessions, she is never seen again).

Cry baby

The Queen Bee Mummies

You get these at every group, you’ll know them when you see them. The mums that all sit together, talk in huddled whispers and immediately pounce on you the minute you walk through the door, welcoming you into the group with their fake smiles (just so you know who’s in charge). They are the woman that have been going to the group for years because they keep popping out sprogs.

Now, these are interesting creatures. If you don’t get in with them you’ve had it.

Return of the Bee

Photo by MightyBoyBrian

The Brewing Fight

To intervene or not intervene that is the question!
If you’re unfortunate enough to find yourself in the situation where a fight between two children (neither one is your own) is about to break out right in front of you, then the best solution for this is to run! Ignorance is definitely bliss in this case.

If you do however feel compelled to interpose then proceed with caution. You will never be right not matter what you decide is best.
The last thing you want is to find yourself being screamed at by an irate mother for telling off her little angel.

scream and shoutPhoto by mdanys

The Token Dad

The Token Dad is the one guy who comes every week with his offspring, keeps himself to himself and sits in the corner watching his child.
This Dad finds himself in a rather awkward predicament at these groups.
If he approaches anyone to have a chat they might think he’s hitting on them if he keeps quiet and doesn’t share anything, then everyone’s sitting there wondering ‘why isn’t he at work, where is his wife, why would he come to a group like this’.
He is basically buggered from the start!

Making Friends

Mother and baby groups are a bit like speed dating. You have precisely two minutes to speak to another mother and get to know as much about her as you can while also telling her a bit about yourself before your time’s up because your child has just bopped another child on the head with a plastic hammer!


Photo by Robert Parviainen

What about you? Do you go to mother and baby groups? 


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1 thought on “The Delicate Politics of Mother and Baby Groups”

  1. Lol! I used to run baby groups at a children’s centre, you have completely nailed it! Now I have my own little darling I can’t be bothered to go and get caught up in it all, we just stick to our friends, for the reasons you have out lined here! Thanks for this funny post, it made me smile x

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